Needlessly when Joseph was born we were expecting to be able to enjoy at least a few years of co-sleeping with our little man, he had other plans. Joseph did sleep in our room but due to my complications after birth we could not co-sleep right away. Then Joseph ended up with severe reflux so the co-sleeping was put off again because he was having to sleep in a specific position to help eliminate as much as possible his painful reflux. So time went on, at the beginning of this year we tried co-sleeping again but Joseph just wanted to play instead of lay down. You see, Joseph is very routine based and has to do things that he does every day in a specific routine we have always done. So when we tried to have him sleep with us he didn't understand we were asking him to sleep because we weren't in his room, we didn't do our specific nighttime routine that he knew and understood he thought we were just hanging out in Mom and Dad's bed, it was fun. I eventually gave up on the idea of co-sleeping with him and just incorporated snuggling and burping my child- Yes I still burp Joseph before he goes to sleep, I really need to let him grow up and not try and keep him a baby forever. Keep in mind he is our last baby, so letting go is a bit harder than with Jocie. OK you caught me I burped her the other day too, I need to stop being so honest.
A few weeks back during Joseph's nighttime routine Jocie was getting ready for bed herself and had her bedroom door open and Joseph saw her light on and ran into her room and jumped right on her bed. Jocie thought it was the cutest thing ever and started this routine for a week where Joseph would have his nighttime bottle of Milk in her bed with the light out just cuddling with Sissy. Jocie would call me when she was done snuggling with him usually 10 minutes or so and I would take him to his room, right next door and lay him down. They both loved it!! There were no tantrums, no fighting, just like this was his normal routine. When the weekend came around Jocie asked if he could sleep with her, I went along with it. Honestly all I was thinking about was being able to sleep in the next day because he would wake her up in the morning instead of me, I really needed to sleep in. So the next day Jocie informed me she was done done done. He kicked her all night and was tossing and turning she didn't get any sleep. I felt awful, I had seen how happy it made Joseph to have that alone time with his Sissy in her room. It was like he felt like a "Big Boy" or like he felt he was hanging out with the "cool" kids. That next night when it was time for bed he threw a huge tantrum not going in Sissy's room but I stood my ground as well as the next night. By the 3rd night he was getting better then Jocie said he could go in her room so I agreed and oh he was all smiles and so loving, his whole face was just lit up. Unfortunately for Joseph, Jocie was done again. If you don't have a teenager this is what they do "Constantly change their minds" too bad this isn't the greatest thing for an autistic child.
So this past week after being slapped, pinched, punched, smacked, bite you name it I literally at my wits end and felt like giving up. I felt so bad for Joseph he didn't understand what was happening anymore. After taking a step back and really looking at the cause of this outburst of behaviour it was obviously caused by the change and needed to re-create this foundation Joseph was used to so this is what we did. I worked closely with Nimantha, Joseph's consultant with Capitol Autism. She said Jocie's room is to be off limits for at least 2 weeks including during the day, she had no problem agreeing to that one. I needed to be firm even if Joseph is upset. That is 1 thing I struggle with, putting my kids to bed upset. It's like that saying never go to bed angry or upset, I don't want my kids going to sleep upset with me. When I put Joseph down I need to leave him in his room instead of picking him back up and back to living room if he is crying. If after I close his door he is crying after 10 minutes then he is probably in some kind of pain, but let me tell you this past week he hasn't cried more than 2 minutes so I felt assured his feelings were more hurt than actual physical pain.
The past few nights we haven't had any behaviours and I am starting to heal from my bruises and scratches and overall the whole night routine is less stressful and has become enjoyable again. I know it is still too early to let Joseph go to Sissy's room because it would take us back to square one but know in the very near future we can re-introduce it. Sometime parents of children try to figure out why a child will act a certain way, even typical kids and really all it takes is sitting back and observing what has happened that lead to a certain behaviour and taking steps to correct it.
Hope everyone has a great week. Below are some pictures of our trip to the Pumpkin Patch.
Jenn
Me and Joseph
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